Eduardo Correia   • 23 of March 2025 • 6 min

How I Improved This NYC Dental Ad for Higher Conversions (Real Case Study)

A breakdown of a real-world direct response ad, key mistakes, and how I optimized it for better engagement & sales.

1. The Original Ad (Description)

The original ad is no longer available, here’s what it included:

• 🎥 Video Concept: A woman walking in NYC, talking to the camera about a new dental subscription service. She visits the clinic, gets a cleaning, and smiles at the end.


• 🎙 Video Script: As a former dentist 🦷 The secret dental insurance companies don’t want you to know about is… Wally! <change of voice tone> for $249 per year with NO HIDDEN COSTS, They offer UNLIMITED 😁 Dental cleanings (and) 🦷 Whitening. Wally has the most modern technology They check your saliva acidity, paint your teeth with purple plaque disclosure use Airflow with non-abrasive powder and dental hygiene finally feels like a spa 🧘‍♀️ for your mouth! Join Today!


• ✍ Ad Copy:

  🦷 Unlimited dental cleanings and whitening
  The latest Swiss cleaning tech, removing 2X the bacteria from your teeth and getting them 2 shades whiter (removing those coffee stains, instantly)
  👍 Care from the best Dentists and Hygienists who never upsell
  ⚡️ Instant appointment booking through the Wally app

  Wally's studios are now open in FOUR locations in NYC:

  📍Tribeca - 249 Church Street
  📍 Williamsburg - 107 N. 6th Street
  📍Midtown East - 792 Lexington Ave
  📍UES - 325 E. 79th Street

  And coming soon in...
  👀 Upper West Side
  👀 FiDi
  👀 Downtown Brooklyn

2. Strengths & Weaknesses of the Ad

✅ What Worked:

• Unique Selling Proposition (USP): Unlimited cleanings at a fixed price in NYC with NO insurance. This is the kind of market-disrupting offer that drives sign-ups based on sheer utility.
• Clear pricing & subscription model: Simple and easy to understand.
• Engaging video: The videos and script feel natural even when mentioning technical jargon.

❌ What Needs Improvement:

• Too clinical for general consumers: Focused on tech rather than benefits.
• Weak emotional hook: Insurance frustration is a real pain point, but wasn’t emphasized enough in this ad.
• CTA lacked urgency: No reason to act right now, and to sign up right away.

3. My Optimized Version (Rewritten Ad Copy & Script)

💡 Key Fix: I rewrote the ad from a consumer’s perspective to increase relatability and conversion rates.

💬 Rewritten Video Script

"I was so tired of dealing with insurance, co-pays, and unexpected bills for simple dental check-ups. So I started looking for another option here in New York… and I actually found one!."

"This dental clinic called Wally gives me unlimited cleanings & whitening—with zero hidden fees. It’s half the cost of insurance and twice as convenient for me, and for just $249 per year."

"They use Swiss technology to do tests on oral health, so the cleanings are adapted for you, and the hygienists make my teeth feel like a spa treatment every time."

"Wally has four NYC locations and is opening more soon. If you want high-quality dental care without the insurance headaches, click the button below and grab your membership in the next 72 hours!"

✅ Why This Works:

• It’s more emotionally relatable (“I was tired of insurance headaches...”)
• Stronger CTA ("Grab your membership in the next 72 hours" → urgency!)
• Simplifies the tech talk into real-world benefits.

📝 Rewritten Copy Script (More Relatable Version)

Here’s How 4000+ New Yorkers Are Saving Money On Dental Check-Ups (And How You Can Do The Same)

“As per 2025, costs for a dental check-up in New York are between $225 and $300”
“2 check-ups per year, and you’re spending a little over $500, on average, just for basic oral healthcare. I found this absurd” - Says CEO of “Care By Wally”

Wally is a dental clinic here in New York that offers unlimited dental clinics and whitenings, on a yearly subscription of only $249. Members also get discounts on other treatments if necessary.

If you’re looking for dental care from the best Dentists and Hygienists in NYC (who never try to sell you some other treatments)

Click the button below and learn more on our website! 🦷

4. Key Marketing Takeaways (Lessons You Can Use)

• 🧠 Lesson 1: Always speak to the consumer’s pain point first (Insurance frustration > Tech features).
• 🎯 Lesson 2: CTA’s should have urgency & scarcity ("We’re running out of spots! Sign up in the next 72 hours!, etc…").
• 🚀 Lesson 3: If an ad is too technical, simplify it with real-world benefits (e.g., “non-abrasive powder” vs. “spa-like cleaning”).

5. Final Thoughts & CTA

This was a great ad with a strong offer, but by tweaking the messaging and the CTA, it performs even better.

If you want higher-converting ads for your business, email me directly at eduardo@patients-for-dentists.com — I’ll personally review your ads.

And if you want the exact blueprint my clients use to easily retain patients year after year — grab your free copy right now at patients-for-dentists.com.
(Available free for a limited time only.)